Hello again everyone!

I know it's been a while, but I'm thinking I will actually start posting again.

My life has come to a bit of a halt, in some senses.

I'm back in school, doing post-grad for Museum Management, and have an internship, finally finding a job I would be glad to go to every day.

My family life is a bit messed up, but whose isn't?

In my last post I said that I was getting married. Well now I'm not. He left me. And I found out yesterday, for sure, that he has been cheating on me. And considering leaving me for about 4 months. And hey .... the wedding was supposed to be in 6 months. So hence the "bit of a halt". I had a feeling something was wrong about 4 months ago. But I shrugged it off, thinking he was just busy at work. Word to the wise; if you think something's wrong, SOMETHING IS FRIGGING WRONG. Don't shrug it off. Talk about it. Find out what's wrong. And I'm actually not super upset anymore that he left me 6 months before the wedding, when everything was pretty much paid for. Its the public humiliation that gets me. Returning wedding gifts? Humiliating. Having to call every single vendor and ask for any amount of money back? Humiliating. Having to call family and friends and tell them that the wedding is off? Humiliating. Finding out YESTERDAY that his real reason for leaving was that he had another girl? Abso-f*cking-lutely humiliating.But then again, it makes me feel better. Makes me feel better because it's not me. It's him. It's him being a complete assh*le. And that makes me feel a bit better.

It's also showed me who my friends are. My friends have been "coming out of the woodwork", so to speak, to make me feel better. Also to tell me that they saw the issues, and saw this coming, but that's just what friends do right?

So now I go back to the classic "me-ism" of box-it-up-and-move-on. Physically box up all the things and put them away. Mentally box up the whole situation, and never think about it again. And that's it. That's the only thing that I can do. Maybe it's a terrible coping mechanism, but it works for me.

I want to be married. I want to have babies. And I would be perfectly happy just being a stay-at-home mum. But that wasn't an option. That desire was looked down on by him, and his family. So I'm well shot of that. In my opinion. For him it seems that marriage wasn't a commitment to one person. Apparently it was a commitment to several, and only about what he wanted and his goals and dreams. To me, that's not marriage. Marriage should be a partnership. He should be my friend first and my husband second. He should man-up and haave my back in any situation, whether or not he tells me later (in private) that he didn't agree or that I could have done things better. We should be a team. As Audrey Hepburn said; "If I'm going to be married, I want to be really married."

So now I'm focusing on me. I can finally stand up for myself. I know what I want in a man now. And I'm not going to settle anymore. I know what I want to do, where I want to go, and who I want to be. And any man who wants to stop me (ie. the old one, although "man" is a stretch for him) isn't worth my time.

In short .... I'm back.

<3